I had just transferred from a managerial position to one in which I served as a special assistant to the head of a large directorate. My boss, Molly we’ll call her, was charismatic and mission-driven. My job was to support her in whatever way she directed. So, I put together project plans, answered data calls, drafted correspondence, arranged for meetings and served as Molly’s liaison with her division chiefs and other supervisors on a variety of issues.
One day, she called me into her office and explained that she needed a major report drafted on a fairly tight timeline. She explained exactly what she wanted done – not just the final result but the steps to be taken in pulling together the report. She told me who to consult with, what sub-topics to cover, and how the draft report should be organized. I took notes and after the meeting immediately started on my new, big assignment.
A couple of weeks later, I turned in a draft report and then met with her the next day. Molly was ecstatic. She exclaimed that the report was exactly what she wanted. It was arranged perfectly and included all of the sub-issues she wanted. She also noted that I had talked to all of the right people. She was completely happy and seemed amazed that the final product met her vision.
After she finished complimenting me, I said, “Well, you know, I just listened and did what you told me to do.”
She smiled and said, “Not everyone does that.”
In essence, listening is a method of trying to understand what someone else is communicating. This determination to comprehend what others are stating or have written, is a super power available to all. The most critical factor is that you resolve to fully “get” someone else’s thoughts. Although a simple concept, this can be a difficult skill to achieve and maintain.
I suppose it is human nature to want to make your own perspective clear in any type of communication. It is also human nature to try to make yourself look good in front of others. However, to be good at understanding others, you have to humble yourself and place the emphasis on what others are presenting, while resisting the urge to jump in constantly.
For several years, I served as the secretariat for a major committee. In that role, I took notes at the meetings and produced final summaries that were posted. It was a true training ground for listening to others and separating the significant from the inconsequential, while writing down the noteworthy aspects of each meeting. Did I often want to enter into the fray? Of course, I did, but that was not my role in most cases.
Taking notes and trying your best to understand the perspective of another can also be applied powerfully in certain tense situations. For instance, a dissatisfied customer or a disgruntled employee often most wants to be heard and understood. By listening closely, asking follow-up questions and taking notes in front of the individual, one can give that person some satisfaction while providing a record of the conversation and documentation for possible further action.
Obviously, the “listening” part of this is much more difficult for someone who is deaf or who has substantial hearing loss. To a small degree, I experienced this. During the height of the pandemic, my team and I worked remotely fulltime. When we finally transitioned to a hybrid workplace and were onsite a couple of days a week, everyone was wearing masks. I experienced frequent instances when I could not understand what folks were saying. Instead of constantly asking them to repeat, I just nodded my head. At the same time, I was seeking medical assistance about tinnitus that I was experiencing. I had a hearing test done, which showed that I had hearing loss in the higher frequencies. Long story short, I got hearing aids and now can hear what colleagues are saying. I know, though, that such a positive outcome is not available to everyone.
Yes, I did well with Molly in “getting” exactly what she wanted for that assignment. But many other times, I have been in a meeting or talking to someone directly and have blown it. Instead of focusing on understanding them, I am formulating what I intend to say. By the time I get to present my own thoughts, I have missed what the other has shared.
This happens with email communication as well. In my haste to respond to an overflowing inbox, I sometimes write a reply to a message I have skimmed without having read thoroughly. That can obstruct the resolution of whatever issue is being discussed and can produce embarrassment for me. There are two clear lessons here. For the sender of a message about a complex issue, it is important to keep the communication as short and simple as possible. For the message recipient, the whole darn message should be read and understood before a response is sent!
In the end, the ability to understand what others are communicating is a powerful talent that can propel one’s effectiveness and career. Like so many other skills, though, it requires constant practice and attention. It also requires one to put a premium on fully comprehending the thoughts of others. It’s not easy to consistently exercise this ability, but it can be a vital part of an individual’s road to long-term success.