Right out of college, I worked at an oversized, four-story B. Dalton Bookseller in Center City Philadelphia – the largest bookstore in the city, situated in a repurposed old time bank building. That’s where I was mistaken for Sylvester Stallone!
Despite a long commute to work from Northeast Philly and horrendous pay, I loved that job. My co-workers were the most interesting and stimulating group of people – writers, artists, bibliophiles – really smart and funny, too. No one was making enough money, but it was a collegial atmosphere among the staff.
Beyond the group of fantastic people with whom I was working, I just really enjoyed the job itself. Is there anything better than opening boxes of newly-published books straight from the publisher or jobber/wholesaler? Diving into a shipment of mixed new titles was always exciting. Back in those days (late Seventies), we would also be sent hundreds of copies of the titles that were projected to be bestsellers. So, we would receive several boxes at a time all stuffed full of the same new book. Those dozens and dozens of copies were used to build awesome window arrangements and to make eye-catching displays on the first floor overflow shelves above the standard shelving.
I had no talent for building displays, but I did contribute ideas. One turned out to be a winner. It had been just a few years since Richard Nixon had resigned the Presidency in disgrace after Watergate. A major step in attempting to rehabilitate his image was the publication in 1978 of his book, RN: The Memoirs of Richard Nixon. We received an ungodly number of copies of that title upon publication.
At the same time, humorist Erma Bombeck’s latest tome was released. It was titled, If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits? We received a boatload of those, too.
Seeing the stacks of the books and being an ardent anti-Nixonite, I came up with the idea of doing a huge overhead display of the Nixon book and directly adjacent to it a huge display of the Bombeck title. Then the local TV media showed up, as the release of Nixon’s work was newsworthy. Needless to say, the ironic pairing of the two gigantic displays proved irresistible to the reporters, and “my” dual display made the news that night.
Although I could come up with design and artistic concepts, I had zero talent required to put them into action. The Nixon and Bombeck displays were actually built by a colleague. My artistic skills were – and still are – less than rudimentary. Even the stick figures that I draw are pathetic. Painting, drawing, sculpting, flower arranging, cake decorating, topiary, etc. – if it requires one with an artistic flair, I am not your man.
That being the case, there was a standard service offered by B. Dalton that I avoided at all costs – gift wrapping! A customer could ask for a purchased book or other item to be wrapped. This amenity was offered at the First Floor Information Desk, where we had a large dispenser always loaded with a roll of shiny gold wrapping paper imprinted with the store’s name.
Some of my co-workers actually enjoyed wrapping items and did a great job at it. To this day, I really stink at wrapping gifts. My bar of success is very low – get the thing covered. It doesn’t matter how the ends are folded or how many pieces of tape are used. If the gift is enclosed in wrapping paper, then the goal has been achieved. I know that is pretty lame, and I knew it even back in those B. Dalton days. Thus, whenever a customer wanted something wrapped, I found a colleague to assist.
I have written about the customer who wanted a copy of The Hog Book and squealed in pig-like fashion until I retrieved a copy for him. That same customer, after paying for the book, came back to the desk and said that he wanted it wrapped. I was by myself. We were short-staffed that day, and my one First Floor co-worker, Ryna, was on break but due back shortly. She was a fantastic wrapper and took true pride in her work.
So, I suggested to the pig-squealer customer, “You might want to wait a few moments for my colleague to return from break. She does a really fine job of wrapping.”
The customer was having none of it. “No, I can’t wait. You do it!”
“You are not going to like how it looks,” I responded.
“It’s going to be fine. Just do it!”
“Okay, but it’s not going to look good.”
So, I applied myself to the task at hand and did my best to get The Hog Book gift-wrapped. Doubtless, I had to start over a few times and probably wasted a lot of the expensive gold wrapping paper. There were also some fancy stick-on ribbons, one of which we were supposed to use on each gift. I never truly had gotten the hang of how they opened or were to be used. My guess is that I ruined a handful of them until I got one opened correctly and adhered to the package.
When I finished the job, it looked like a hog had been involved in the wrapping process. So, I suppose that was appropriate. I handed it back to the customer, who, looked at it in dismay, then looked at me as if I was a demented creature from another dimension.
“I told you that you weren’t going to like it. If you want to wait for my co-worker, she can do it nice for you.”
He looked at me with disgust and spit out, “I don’t have the time. This will have to do.” Then he steamed out of the store.
Although it wasn’t my proudest moment, I did learn from it that an impatient, slightly off-kilter customer, is willing to accept shoddy service under certain circumstances. And he likely learned to believe a book store clerk when he says he is a lousy gift wrapper.